Spring is so much in the air currently you could have mistaken April for July, I'm happy to say. The warmth and light certainly makes everything seem happier and brighter. Later today I'm off for a long walk to get the exercise going, right after I've had physio for my sciatic nerve pain of 5 weeks now.
It's 8 weeks since I started the DHEA, nearly 5 weeks of the new diet and I've had 6 acupuncture sessions too. I'd already lost 11lbs at week 4 so looking forward to my Wii being happy with me again when I weigh myself this week - my stomach no longer looks like I'm 8 months pregnant with a lard baby! Maybe 4 months lard-pregnant now?
I still have hot flushes and night sweats though during the daytime they have decreased a bit so I'm not quite as dog-tired as I was. At the moment I feel fully committed to the diet and believe that to be the key to feeling better in myself. Weight loss that has happened so quickly certainly adds to the motivation to carry on with it. Family and friends seem more worried that I can't share their hot cross buns and other treats with them than I am, as I don't feel particularly bothered that I'm missing out as much as I thought I would be. I put this down to my body saying that it doesn't want these things particularly so I don't get cravings. I also don't get the horrible raw hypoglycaemic hunger if I don't eat within a couple of hours of normal anymore, which is really good.
That's not to say that if someone had some chocolate I wouldn't mind a piece as occasionally I have a small bite of something "wrong" as it's not going to spoil the whole diet for me. I'm just not obsessed with the food I can't have as many dieters normally are hence the yo-yo effect with dieting.
I've also discovered Stevia, a sweetener those of us in Europe are not allowed to have at the moment but which not only is much better than sugar for you but actually helps fight off the candida - yippee! So this week, I'm going to make a gluten-free lemon cake with potato instead of flour and Stevia instead of sugar. If it works out well, I'll post the recipe here..
Monday, 18 April 2011
Monday, 11 April 2011
What's my name?
I am very aware that worse things could happen to me than POF, this isn't a serious life or death situation on the surface. However like those who have depression and other mental disorders, this isn't always as easy to deal with as "pull yourself together", in fact the stress involved has been researched to be akin to having a diagnosis of a serious disease. I am grieving my loss of reproductive ability that 99% of women my age still have. It makes absolutely no difference with POF if I want children or not, it's the fact that it's no longer an option open to me in the conventional way. Having an ovulation process that works is part of the essence of being a young female and without it, I often feel that I've totally failed at being female.
Of course, that's not how those of us with this should think about it, but we do partly because of the name: Premature Ovarian Failure. To this end, it's been mooted to replace the name Premature Ovarian Failure with Primary Ovarian Insufficiency to remove the "failing" element because we haven't failed but our ovaries have. There's much more to me and my life than a pair of ovaries I would hope! Premature Menopause also has negative connotations as "menopause" is a word that shouldn't be in our vocabulary until our late 40s at the earliest. And yes I have days where I also think it is POF or menopause, just get over it, but it's such a final sounding name that gives no hope, when in fact for some of us lucky enough, total ovarian failure isn't always the case. And whats more, being female is not about ovaries or mammary glands, that's simply the biological aspect. I reserve the right to throw a girly hissy fit, wear makeup and dresses (well, sometimes), mother those around me whether they want it or not and dance around my handbag if I want to!
Of course, that's not how those of us with this should think about it, but we do partly because of the name: Premature Ovarian Failure. To this end, it's been mooted to replace the name Premature Ovarian Failure with Primary Ovarian Insufficiency to remove the "failing" element because we haven't failed but our ovaries have. There's much more to me and my life than a pair of ovaries I would hope! Premature Menopause also has negative connotations as "menopause" is a word that shouldn't be in our vocabulary until our late 40s at the earliest. And yes I have days where I also think it is POF or menopause, just get over it, but it's such a final sounding name that gives no hope, when in fact for some of us lucky enough, total ovarian failure isn't always the case. And whats more, being female is not about ovaries or mammary glands, that's simply the biological aspect. I reserve the right to throw a girly hissy fit, wear makeup and dresses (well, sometimes), mother those around me whether they want it or not and dance around my handbag if I want to!
Monday, 28 March 2011
Man, I feel like an old woman
It's been over a week since I last posted and I wanted to share some good news first which is that around 24 hours after that last post, I started feeling a lot better in myself. Headaches gone, a flatter tummy including 5lbs weight loss in as many days, and a feeling that though I still don't get a night's sleep at a time, my insomnia has improved a little.
So to spoil the fun I decided to do my regular fitness DVD and thought that the legs, bums and tums section would be good to do. I managed a few crunches on the floor, remembered I don't like them as they strain my neck, so grabbed the gym ball (the one you buy then kick around a bit, and occasionally sit on when there isn't enough seating for visitors!) and did some crunches including the oblique side ones. Feeling happy I'd got the toning part of the back-to-exercise plan going I went to bed but woke up the next day feeling way too sore to have just done a few crunches. Another day later, the pain was immense and was clearly related to a major nerve. I realised this was sciatic pain from my lower back all the way down to my knee - joy!
I was lucky enough to get an appointment with my work-related discount physio just a day later who armed me with a new exercise plan ("no more crunches" - woohoo!). Though the new stretches and copious painkiller regime haven't magically fixed it, I did notice that sitting in the office today, whilst not exactly comfortable, wasn't quite the painful nightmare that it was last week.
Just before the nerve pain started last week, I noticed my right knee has started making an interesting crunchy stretchy noise when I get up from squatting...man, I feel like an old woman...
So to spoil the fun I decided to do my regular fitness DVD and thought that the legs, bums and tums section would be good to do. I managed a few crunches on the floor, remembered I don't like them as they strain my neck, so grabbed the gym ball (the one you buy then kick around a bit, and occasionally sit on when there isn't enough seating for visitors!) and did some crunches including the oblique side ones. Feeling happy I'd got the toning part of the back-to-exercise plan going I went to bed but woke up the next day feeling way too sore to have just done a few crunches. Another day later, the pain was immense and was clearly related to a major nerve. I realised this was sciatic pain from my lower back all the way down to my knee - joy!
I was lucky enough to get an appointment with my work-related discount physio just a day later who armed me with a new exercise plan ("no more crunches" - woohoo!). Though the new stretches and copious painkiller regime haven't magically fixed it, I did notice that sitting in the office today, whilst not exactly comfortable, wasn't quite the painful nightmare that it was last week.
Just before the nerve pain started last week, I noticed my right knee has started making an interesting crunchy stretchy noise when I get up from squatting...man, I feel like an old woman...
Saturday, 19 March 2011
I can't eat, I can't sleep anymore
Well it's 3 days (Friday) after the scan, I've been sugar free since Wednesday and 95% wheat/gluten free too and I feel....awful. But this is what I expected as I need to wean off the nasties. I've only ever had oral thrush once after antibiotics years ago and don't have the digestive symptoms so I'm thinking my pancreas may well be stressed but not to the point that I'm coeliac or diabetic particularly. I've just enjoyed my food and drink a bit too much like most people. My GP did give me a cholesterol and diabetes blood test a month or so ago when she didn't like my extra weight so I will go and have that done though I also know from a test I've had since at work that my cholesterol isn't scary at 4.8. Lots of other slimmer people were getting 6 or more so that's hopefully because my diet is cooked from scratch as much as possible. However I will persist with this as it's a plausible theory and I have weight to lose anyway.
Can you hear the sound of me convincing myself this is all a good idea after another rough night meant I was off work yesterday utterly exhausted? Thought so. I'm sitting here like someone who's been driving somewhere all night and whose body clock is totally off kilter. A double espresso with sugar would solve it temporarily but that's not an option. I have a rapid pulse with the flushes as it is so it wouldn't be a great idea.
My third acupuncture appointment last night after I finally got up properly around 5pm was good though, the needles hurt and some were above the knee for the first time, but I was floaty once more afterwards.
Can you hear the sound of me convincing myself this is all a good idea after another rough night meant I was off work yesterday utterly exhausted? Thought so. I'm sitting here like someone who's been driving somewhere all night and whose body clock is totally off kilter. A double espresso with sugar would solve it temporarily but that's not an option. I have a rapid pulse with the flushes as it is so it wouldn't be a great idea.
My third acupuncture appointment last night after I finally got up properly around 5pm was good though, the needles hurt and some were above the knee for the first time, but I was floaty once more afterwards.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Bioresonance scan
Alison, my acupuncturist, recommended that I have a bioresonance scan to detect where my imbalances are in my body, so off I went to see Susie Cornell yesterday. Now I'm usually pretty cynical about this sort of thing however under the circumstances, I'm up for trying anything that may help me or work out what's happened and why.
After taking the usual medical history, I discovered I was already being scanned as I was filling in the paperwork. I then put two wristbands on that were attached to the E-Lybra bioresonance machine and something that looked like a small version of a disco lights rope round my neck which was also attached to the machine. On closer inspection the "rope" seemed to have small coloured stones in it. Hmmmm.
As I sat there and Susie was getting feedback that she was interpreting for me, a curious thing happened: she seemed to detect a lot of psychological and physical symptoms that I've had even as specific as my feet (arch) problems and recent styes in both eyes. Now really, she could be doing a Derren Brown on me but I'm happy to be Derren'd if it works just as a placebo so long as something works! What was even more uncanny was that my very recent food choices seemed to show up on the machine too, from my daily porridge (too much my body says) right down to the extra portions of lamb I've had last week as lamb is good for kidney Yin (it's now banned from my new diet - nooo!)
The E-lybra was apparently detoxing me and I've got a pendant to wear or have near me with my program on it that will work for up to 3 months. It's not a biggie to have a pendant near me so it can't hurt, I thought with an open mind. But the part that I was most interested in is what my body was saying about nutrition and adding more to the story of what's happened to me.
It seems now that my body was doing a good but hard job fighting off candida growth until Mum died, when the emotional shock hit my immune system which led to candida overgrowth. This then in turn affected my ovaries shutting them down. It is very true to say that candida has been implicated as an auto-immune cause of POF so my interest was piqued by this diagnosis. A personalised anti-candida change in diet along with some Ecobalance supplements to fight off the candida is the plan for the next 3 months. I don't digest sugar, wheat and gluten easily so I have fairly obvious foods to totally avoid within my list of individual worst offenders. If I fall off the wagon occasionally or just cut down rather than eliminate the food that's apparently ok too thank goodness!
After taking the usual medical history, I discovered I was already being scanned as I was filling in the paperwork. I then put two wristbands on that were attached to the E-Lybra bioresonance machine and something that looked like a small version of a disco lights rope round my neck which was also attached to the machine. On closer inspection the "rope" seemed to have small coloured stones in it. Hmmmm.
As I sat there and Susie was getting feedback that she was interpreting for me, a curious thing happened: she seemed to detect a lot of psychological and physical symptoms that I've had even as specific as my feet (arch) problems and recent styes in both eyes. Now really, she could be doing a Derren Brown on me but I'm happy to be Derren'd if it works just as a placebo so long as something works! What was even more uncanny was that my very recent food choices seemed to show up on the machine too, from my daily porridge (too much my body says) right down to the extra portions of lamb I've had last week as lamb is good for kidney Yin (it's now banned from my new diet - nooo!)
The E-lybra was apparently detoxing me and I've got a pendant to wear or have near me with my program on it that will work for up to 3 months. It's not a biggie to have a pendant near me so it can't hurt, I thought with an open mind. But the part that I was most interested in is what my body was saying about nutrition and adding more to the story of what's happened to me.
It seems now that my body was doing a good but hard job fighting off candida growth until Mum died, when the emotional shock hit my immune system which led to candida overgrowth. This then in turn affected my ovaries shutting them down. It is very true to say that candida has been implicated as an auto-immune cause of POF so my interest was piqued by this diagnosis. A personalised anti-candida change in diet along with some Ecobalance supplements to fight off the candida is the plan for the next 3 months. I don't digest sugar, wheat and gluten easily so I have fairly obvious foods to totally avoid within my list of individual worst offenders. If I fall off the wagon occasionally or just cut down rather than eliminate the food that's apparently ok too thank goodness!
Monday, 14 March 2011
Up and down and up and down and...
Bursting into tears because I couldn't find a belt for my jeans yesterday was a little overdramatic I must say, but that's what happens at the drop of a hat for those of us enjoying the ups and downs of hormone levels. Grrr!! Once the tears have fallen (and after the inevitable hot flush) then there is a period of calm and then I'm kind of myself again, but then the cycle of tears and calm continues on a repetitive loop.
I must have cried enough tears to have lost a stone by now but alas I haven't lost the weight. Maybe I'm making up for the several years after my Mum died when I found crying nigh on impossible, but had painful RSI and the POF started instead. Which may mean it's a good thing as it's letting out the stress in a healthier way, though losing a belt is really not the end of the world!
Sometimes the tears are for no reason at all really, just the slightest thing starts me off like the lost belt, but at other times it's the frustration of no sleep because of never-ending night sweats or at worst, it's an all consuming grief for the children that I can't have - whether I wanted them or not, they can no longer happen and I need to grieve their loss.
I must have cried enough tears to have lost a stone by now but alas I haven't lost the weight. Maybe I'm making up for the several years after my Mum died when I found crying nigh on impossible, but had painful RSI and the POF started instead. Which may mean it's a good thing as it's letting out the stress in a healthier way, though losing a belt is really not the end of the world!
Sometimes the tears are for no reason at all really, just the slightest thing starts me off like the lost belt, but at other times it's the frustration of no sleep because of never-ending night sweats or at worst, it's an all consuming grief for the children that I can't have - whether I wanted them or not, they can no longer happen and I need to grieve their loss.
Thursday, 10 March 2011
To eat or not to eat but what? Is the question...
We've all read these stories in the media about the effects of drinking or eating certain things only once a day, 5.2 portions a day or cutting them out completely as that will or won't have a positive effect on heart disease, mental health, chances of getting cancer and so on. Really and truly, apart from some broad generalisations like eating pasties and ice cream is not a great idea on a regular basis, then our own health is very individual: what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Eventually there will come a time when there will be tests on our DNA and blood which will give us all a personalised plan of how to look after ourselves nutritionally, mentally and physically.
Until that time comes, it can be quite stressful with POF to work out what I should or shouldn't be eating. Hot flushes do punish me if I drink alcohol or caffeine, I have one coffee a day now and virtually no alcohol. But the rest is arguable depending on how much oestrogen I need to replace, whether I'm following Western and/or Chinese nutrition guidelines (Zita West's book shows how to combine both), treating specific menopausal symptoms, and the other lifestyle changes I'm making. What's good for one thing is not necessarily good for another. Soya products, which I previously regularly ate and drank when I wasn't eating meat for 10 years, are or aren't effective as they contain phyto-oestrogens, can reduce cholesterol, ward off osteoporosis and some cancers. The jury is still out now though as they also increase the risks of other cancers, don't always stave off menopausal symptoms and may not be the wonder food they were first made out to be after all. And that's not the only food where there's a conflict.
After driving myself crazy obsessing over what is and isn't good for me, I've decided to cut out the processed stodge and too many sweet things, and just ensure that whatever food I eat is varied and good quality, and I aim to eat at regular intervals during the day. So meat is organic and bought from a farm shop or local butcher, fish is wild and not farmed (my other half needs to do more sea fishing from his boat which he loves!), I drink lots of water during the day now and I try to eat breakfast every morning (ok I had my porridge at 11.55am today!).
Probably the most important thing though is not to stress about what I'm eating as that negates why I'm changing my food choices in the first place! Zita West promotes combining Western and Eastern medicine and nutrition but not going on a "diet" per se or worrying about eating cakes and drinking wine if it happens occasionally - now where's that lovely hot chocolate?
Until that time comes, it can be quite stressful with POF to work out what I should or shouldn't be eating. Hot flushes do punish me if I drink alcohol or caffeine, I have one coffee a day now and virtually no alcohol. But the rest is arguable depending on how much oestrogen I need to replace, whether I'm following Western and/or Chinese nutrition guidelines (Zita West's book shows how to combine both), treating specific menopausal symptoms, and the other lifestyle changes I'm making. What's good for one thing is not necessarily good for another. Soya products, which I previously regularly ate and drank when I wasn't eating meat for 10 years, are or aren't effective as they contain phyto-oestrogens, can reduce cholesterol, ward off osteoporosis and some cancers. The jury is still out now though as they also increase the risks of other cancers, don't always stave off menopausal symptoms and may not be the wonder food they were first made out to be after all. And that's not the only food where there's a conflict.
After driving myself crazy obsessing over what is and isn't good for me, I've decided to cut out the processed stodge and too many sweet things, and just ensure that whatever food I eat is varied and good quality, and I aim to eat at regular intervals during the day. So meat is organic and bought from a farm shop or local butcher, fish is wild and not farmed (my other half needs to do more sea fishing from his boat which he loves!), I drink lots of water during the day now and I try to eat breakfast every morning (ok I had my porridge at 11.55am today!).
Probably the most important thing though is not to stress about what I'm eating as that negates why I'm changing my food choices in the first place! Zita West promotes combining Western and Eastern medicine and nutrition but not going on a "diet" per se or worrying about eating cakes and drinking wine if it happens occasionally - now where's that lovely hot chocolate?
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