It was fantastic to read on Shannon's blog that her efforts to treat her infertility holistically have reaped rewards, namely a reduction of her FSH from 50 to 6.2 (post-menopausal to fertile and normal!). Contrast that with my visit to my GP today who congratulated my weight loss and consequent reduction in blood pressure but wouldn't entertain the notion that POF can be reversed in this way, and not even for the tiniest percentage of afflicted ladies.
I managed to convince her to give me a blood test to see how my FSH is doing, and she casually added a thyroid test when I started on about the fact that no-one has ultrasounded me, checked my bones, tested me for autoimmune disorders or any of these things. Her viewpoint is that the pill would solve everything for me, why would I even want HRT?
I decided not to tell her about the DHEA as that would just inflame her opinion further nor did I ask for the specialist that I wished to be referred to as she was only interested in referring me to the same gynaecologist who wanted the next conversation to be about egg donation.
Once I've had the blood test though, we will have another conversation until I get what I want. I'm afraid I do believe in "miracles" that happen once you treat the cause of your affliction holistically, rather than randomly throwing overly strong medication to plaster over the effects.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Thursday, 12 May 2011
Take another little piece of my heart
Yesterday my 94 year old uncle lost his valiant fight with pneumonia, fighting to do what he wanted as he always did throughout his life right until the very end. We will miss him greatly and grief, my now lifelong friend, has popped in for an open ended stay as expected this time.
Despite on the face of it knowing that at 94 he'd enjoyed "a good innings" as we do in the UK, cricket-loving nation that we are, the reaction is no different than it would have been had he been a much younger age. In fact he's the oldest relative or friend I've known to pass away, the youngest being 12 many years ago - but this doesn't make the loss any easier. He was a father, brother, uncle and grandfather and its those relationships that define the sense of loss, not their age.
As he was a blood relative, this makes the grief much rawer especially in relation to POF. It's at times like these that I most feel the need to biologically procreate, not to replace the lost relative, but to extend family by adding a new relationship and completing a circle of life somehow. Instead, whenever a much loved family member passes away, I feel I've lost another part of myself, another piece of my heart that is me, my essence, my soul, my very core of being.
Bless you Uncle Bill - you will be sorely missed xx
Despite on the face of it knowing that at 94 he'd enjoyed "a good innings" as we do in the UK, cricket-loving nation that we are, the reaction is no different than it would have been had he been a much younger age. In fact he's the oldest relative or friend I've known to pass away, the youngest being 12 many years ago - but this doesn't make the loss any easier. He was a father, brother, uncle and grandfather and its those relationships that define the sense of loss, not their age.
As he was a blood relative, this makes the grief much rawer especially in relation to POF. It's at times like these that I most feel the need to biologically procreate, not to replace the lost relative, but to extend family by adding a new relationship and completing a circle of life somehow. Instead, whenever a much loved family member passes away, I feel I've lost another part of myself, another piece of my heart that is me, my essence, my soul, my very core of being.
Bless you Uncle Bill - you will be sorely missed xx
Monday, 18 April 2011
Spring is in the air
Spring is so much in the air currently you could have mistaken April for July, I'm happy to say. The warmth and light certainly makes everything seem happier and brighter. Later today I'm off for a long walk to get the exercise going, right after I've had physio for my sciatic nerve pain of 5 weeks now.
It's 8 weeks since I started the DHEA, nearly 5 weeks of the new diet and I've had 6 acupuncture sessions too. I'd already lost 11lbs at week 4 so looking forward to my Wii being happy with me again when I weigh myself this week - my stomach no longer looks like I'm 8 months pregnant with a lard baby! Maybe 4 months lard-pregnant now?
I still have hot flushes and night sweats though during the daytime they have decreased a bit so I'm not quite as dog-tired as I was. At the moment I feel fully committed to the diet and believe that to be the key to feeling better in myself. Weight loss that has happened so quickly certainly adds to the motivation to carry on with it. Family and friends seem more worried that I can't share their hot cross buns and other treats with them than I am, as I don't feel particularly bothered that I'm missing out as much as I thought I would be. I put this down to my body saying that it doesn't want these things particularly so I don't get cravings. I also don't get the horrible raw hypoglycaemic hunger if I don't eat within a couple of hours of normal anymore, which is really good.
That's not to say that if someone had some chocolate I wouldn't mind a piece as occasionally I have a small bite of something "wrong" as it's not going to spoil the whole diet for me. I'm just not obsessed with the food I can't have as many dieters normally are hence the yo-yo effect with dieting.
I've also discovered Stevia, a sweetener those of us in Europe are not allowed to have at the moment but which not only is much better than sugar for you but actually helps fight off the candida - yippee! So this week, I'm going to make a gluten-free lemon cake with potato instead of flour and Stevia instead of sugar. If it works out well, I'll post the recipe here..
It's 8 weeks since I started the DHEA, nearly 5 weeks of the new diet and I've had 6 acupuncture sessions too. I'd already lost 11lbs at week 4 so looking forward to my Wii being happy with me again when I weigh myself this week - my stomach no longer looks like I'm 8 months pregnant with a lard baby! Maybe 4 months lard-pregnant now?
I still have hot flushes and night sweats though during the daytime they have decreased a bit so I'm not quite as dog-tired as I was. At the moment I feel fully committed to the diet and believe that to be the key to feeling better in myself. Weight loss that has happened so quickly certainly adds to the motivation to carry on with it. Family and friends seem more worried that I can't share their hot cross buns and other treats with them than I am, as I don't feel particularly bothered that I'm missing out as much as I thought I would be. I put this down to my body saying that it doesn't want these things particularly so I don't get cravings. I also don't get the horrible raw hypoglycaemic hunger if I don't eat within a couple of hours of normal anymore, which is really good.
That's not to say that if someone had some chocolate I wouldn't mind a piece as occasionally I have a small bite of something "wrong" as it's not going to spoil the whole diet for me. I'm just not obsessed with the food I can't have as many dieters normally are hence the yo-yo effect with dieting.
I've also discovered Stevia, a sweetener those of us in Europe are not allowed to have at the moment but which not only is much better than sugar for you but actually helps fight off the candida - yippee! So this week, I'm going to make a gluten-free lemon cake with potato instead of flour and Stevia instead of sugar. If it works out well, I'll post the recipe here..
Monday, 11 April 2011
What's my name?
I am very aware that worse things could happen to me than POF, this isn't a serious life or death situation on the surface. However like those who have depression and other mental disorders, this isn't always as easy to deal with as "pull yourself together", in fact the stress involved has been researched to be akin to having a diagnosis of a serious disease. I am grieving my loss of reproductive ability that 99% of women my age still have. It makes absolutely no difference with POF if I want children or not, it's the fact that it's no longer an option open to me in the conventional way. Having an ovulation process that works is part of the essence of being a young female and without it, I often feel that I've totally failed at being female.
Of course, that's not how those of us with this should think about it, but we do partly because of the name: Premature Ovarian Failure. To this end, it's been mooted to replace the name Premature Ovarian Failure with Primary Ovarian Insufficiency to remove the "failing" element because we haven't failed but our ovaries have. There's much more to me and my life than a pair of ovaries I would hope! Premature Menopause also has negative connotations as "menopause" is a word that shouldn't be in our vocabulary until our late 40s at the earliest. And yes I have days where I also think it is POF or menopause, just get over it, but it's such a final sounding name that gives no hope, when in fact for some of us lucky enough, total ovarian failure isn't always the case. And whats more, being female is not about ovaries or mammary glands, that's simply the biological aspect. I reserve the right to throw a girly hissy fit, wear makeup and dresses (well, sometimes), mother those around me whether they want it or not and dance around my handbag if I want to!
Of course, that's not how those of us with this should think about it, but we do partly because of the name: Premature Ovarian Failure. To this end, it's been mooted to replace the name Premature Ovarian Failure with Primary Ovarian Insufficiency to remove the "failing" element because we haven't failed but our ovaries have. There's much more to me and my life than a pair of ovaries I would hope! Premature Menopause also has negative connotations as "menopause" is a word that shouldn't be in our vocabulary until our late 40s at the earliest. And yes I have days where I also think it is POF or menopause, just get over it, but it's such a final sounding name that gives no hope, when in fact for some of us lucky enough, total ovarian failure isn't always the case. And whats more, being female is not about ovaries or mammary glands, that's simply the biological aspect. I reserve the right to throw a girly hissy fit, wear makeup and dresses (well, sometimes), mother those around me whether they want it or not and dance around my handbag if I want to!
Monday, 28 March 2011
Man, I feel like an old woman
It's been over a week since I last posted and I wanted to share some good news first which is that around 24 hours after that last post, I started feeling a lot better in myself. Headaches gone, a flatter tummy including 5lbs weight loss in as many days, and a feeling that though I still don't get a night's sleep at a time, my insomnia has improved a little.
So to spoil the fun I decided to do my regular fitness DVD and thought that the legs, bums and tums section would be good to do. I managed a few crunches on the floor, remembered I don't like them as they strain my neck, so grabbed the gym ball (the one you buy then kick around a bit, and occasionally sit on when there isn't enough seating for visitors!) and did some crunches including the oblique side ones. Feeling happy I'd got the toning part of the back-to-exercise plan going I went to bed but woke up the next day feeling way too sore to have just done a few crunches. Another day later, the pain was immense and was clearly related to a major nerve. I realised this was sciatic pain from my lower back all the way down to my knee - joy!
I was lucky enough to get an appointment with my work-related discount physio just a day later who armed me with a new exercise plan ("no more crunches" - woohoo!). Though the new stretches and copious painkiller regime haven't magically fixed it, I did notice that sitting in the office today, whilst not exactly comfortable, wasn't quite the painful nightmare that it was last week.
Just before the nerve pain started last week, I noticed my right knee has started making an interesting crunchy stretchy noise when I get up from squatting...man, I feel like an old woman...
So to spoil the fun I decided to do my regular fitness DVD and thought that the legs, bums and tums section would be good to do. I managed a few crunches on the floor, remembered I don't like them as they strain my neck, so grabbed the gym ball (the one you buy then kick around a bit, and occasionally sit on when there isn't enough seating for visitors!) and did some crunches including the oblique side ones. Feeling happy I'd got the toning part of the back-to-exercise plan going I went to bed but woke up the next day feeling way too sore to have just done a few crunches. Another day later, the pain was immense and was clearly related to a major nerve. I realised this was sciatic pain from my lower back all the way down to my knee - joy!
I was lucky enough to get an appointment with my work-related discount physio just a day later who armed me with a new exercise plan ("no more crunches" - woohoo!). Though the new stretches and copious painkiller regime haven't magically fixed it, I did notice that sitting in the office today, whilst not exactly comfortable, wasn't quite the painful nightmare that it was last week.
Just before the nerve pain started last week, I noticed my right knee has started making an interesting crunchy stretchy noise when I get up from squatting...man, I feel like an old woman...
Saturday, 19 March 2011
I can't eat, I can't sleep anymore
Well it's 3 days (Friday) after the scan, I've been sugar free since Wednesday and 95% wheat/gluten free too and I feel....awful. But this is what I expected as I need to wean off the nasties. I've only ever had oral thrush once after antibiotics years ago and don't have the digestive symptoms so I'm thinking my pancreas may well be stressed but not to the point that I'm coeliac or diabetic particularly. I've just enjoyed my food and drink a bit too much like most people. My GP did give me a cholesterol and diabetes blood test a month or so ago when she didn't like my extra weight so I will go and have that done though I also know from a test I've had since at work that my cholesterol isn't scary at 4.8. Lots of other slimmer people were getting 6 or more so that's hopefully because my diet is cooked from scratch as much as possible. However I will persist with this as it's a plausible theory and I have weight to lose anyway.
Can you hear the sound of me convincing myself this is all a good idea after another rough night meant I was off work yesterday utterly exhausted? Thought so. I'm sitting here like someone who's been driving somewhere all night and whose body clock is totally off kilter. A double espresso with sugar would solve it temporarily but that's not an option. I have a rapid pulse with the flushes as it is so it wouldn't be a great idea.
My third acupuncture appointment last night after I finally got up properly around 5pm was good though, the needles hurt and some were above the knee for the first time, but I was floaty once more afterwards.
Can you hear the sound of me convincing myself this is all a good idea after another rough night meant I was off work yesterday utterly exhausted? Thought so. I'm sitting here like someone who's been driving somewhere all night and whose body clock is totally off kilter. A double espresso with sugar would solve it temporarily but that's not an option. I have a rapid pulse with the flushes as it is so it wouldn't be a great idea.
My third acupuncture appointment last night after I finally got up properly around 5pm was good though, the needles hurt and some were above the knee for the first time, but I was floaty once more afterwards.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Bioresonance scan
Alison, my acupuncturist, recommended that I have a bioresonance scan to detect where my imbalances are in my body, so off I went to see Susie Cornell yesterday. Now I'm usually pretty cynical about this sort of thing however under the circumstances, I'm up for trying anything that may help me or work out what's happened and why.
After taking the usual medical history, I discovered I was already being scanned as I was filling in the paperwork. I then put two wristbands on that were attached to the E-Lybra bioresonance machine and something that looked like a small version of a disco lights rope round my neck which was also attached to the machine. On closer inspection the "rope" seemed to have small coloured stones in it. Hmmmm.
As I sat there and Susie was getting feedback that she was interpreting for me, a curious thing happened: she seemed to detect a lot of psychological and physical symptoms that I've had even as specific as my feet (arch) problems and recent styes in both eyes. Now really, she could be doing a Derren Brown on me but I'm happy to be Derren'd if it works just as a placebo so long as something works! What was even more uncanny was that my very recent food choices seemed to show up on the machine too, from my daily porridge (too much my body says) right down to the extra portions of lamb I've had last week as lamb is good for kidney Yin (it's now banned from my new diet - nooo!)
The E-lybra was apparently detoxing me and I've got a pendant to wear or have near me with my program on it that will work for up to 3 months. It's not a biggie to have a pendant near me so it can't hurt, I thought with an open mind. But the part that I was most interested in is what my body was saying about nutrition and adding more to the story of what's happened to me.
It seems now that my body was doing a good but hard job fighting off candida growth until Mum died, when the emotional shock hit my immune system which led to candida overgrowth. This then in turn affected my ovaries shutting them down. It is very true to say that candida has been implicated as an auto-immune cause of POF so my interest was piqued by this diagnosis. A personalised anti-candida change in diet along with some Ecobalance supplements to fight off the candida is the plan for the next 3 months. I don't digest sugar, wheat and gluten easily so I have fairly obvious foods to totally avoid within my list of individual worst offenders. If I fall off the wagon occasionally or just cut down rather than eliminate the food that's apparently ok too thank goodness!
After taking the usual medical history, I discovered I was already being scanned as I was filling in the paperwork. I then put two wristbands on that were attached to the E-Lybra bioresonance machine and something that looked like a small version of a disco lights rope round my neck which was also attached to the machine. On closer inspection the "rope" seemed to have small coloured stones in it. Hmmmm.
As I sat there and Susie was getting feedback that she was interpreting for me, a curious thing happened: she seemed to detect a lot of psychological and physical symptoms that I've had even as specific as my feet (arch) problems and recent styes in both eyes. Now really, she could be doing a Derren Brown on me but I'm happy to be Derren'd if it works just as a placebo so long as something works! What was even more uncanny was that my very recent food choices seemed to show up on the machine too, from my daily porridge (too much my body says) right down to the extra portions of lamb I've had last week as lamb is good for kidney Yin (it's now banned from my new diet - nooo!)
The E-lybra was apparently detoxing me and I've got a pendant to wear or have near me with my program on it that will work for up to 3 months. It's not a biggie to have a pendant near me so it can't hurt, I thought with an open mind. But the part that I was most interested in is what my body was saying about nutrition and adding more to the story of what's happened to me.
It seems now that my body was doing a good but hard job fighting off candida growth until Mum died, when the emotional shock hit my immune system which led to candida overgrowth. This then in turn affected my ovaries shutting them down. It is very true to say that candida has been implicated as an auto-immune cause of POF so my interest was piqued by this diagnosis. A personalised anti-candida change in diet along with some Ecobalance supplements to fight off the candida is the plan for the next 3 months. I don't digest sugar, wheat and gluten easily so I have fairly obvious foods to totally avoid within my list of individual worst offenders. If I fall off the wagon occasionally or just cut down rather than eliminate the food that's apparently ok too thank goodness!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)